From my observations, I have found that we systematically underestimate our resilience in four ways:
We are more flexible than we believe.
Throughout your life, you have been trained to adapt and adjust your behavior in different contexts. Think of the wide range of people in your social circle with whom you already interact. Do you speak with your boss the same way you speak with your colleagues? Are your interactions with your in-laws the same as those with your college friends? My guess is that the answer is no. In fact, I have found that simply reminding people of this fact can increase their confidence when facing an unfamiliar situation. You have adapted and adjusted before; you can do it again.
We are braver than we think.
Consider all the things you have already done in your life that required courage. For some of us, it was going to college and living alone for the first time. For others, it was changing jobs or careers, or getting married. We all have our own experiences that required a certain level of courage, and we can draw on them when facing the next situation outside our comfort zone.
The situation that worries us is probably not as bad as we think.
Fear obstructs clear thinking. We worry about the worst possible outcome: that we will humiliate ourselves on stage during a public speaking event, or that the person to whom we will deliver negative feedback will hate us forever. There is always a small chance that the worst will happen, but reality is a little more nuanced than that. People are surprised, hurt, and angry when they receive bad news, but if it is delivered with compassion and sensitivity, they will forgive the messenger. You may feel anxious about speaking in front of a crowd, but research suggests that a certain degree of anxiety is quite useful for effective performance. And although you could embarrass yourself on stage — saying something wrong, for example — it is far more likely that you will do well if you have prepared, or at least that reality will be much less terrifying than what you imagined.
We have more resources than we think.
When you face a truly difficult situation, you often feel vulnerable, maybe even desperate. But you are not alone in the situation. You often have several resources you can use: mentors, colleagues, or friends you can turn to for guidance, or steps you can take while preparing. You can even make small adjustments to the event itself to make it more manageable.
In situations outside our comfort zone, we may feel weak or powerless. But we can draw on the capacities we already have within ourselves to face unfamiliar situations with confidence. Do not underestimate how flexible, brave, and capable you actually are. Try it, and you will most likely surprise yourself.